Confessions of a Wife-Mom-Teacher-Perfectionist

I went to a conference for teachers a few years ago.  (Actually for my friends in the education world, they call them "trainings"~ but I avoid this term as it makes me feel like a dog at puppy class.)  Anyway, the opening icebreaker thing was to describe yourself in 5 words.  Mine was "Wife, Mom, Educator, Friend, Perfectionist."  I was the only one who didn't use a complete sentence, and I was the only one who said wife.  My 'partner' that I shared with before we shared with the group {we all know all these things work!} said she found it interesting I described myself in terms of relationships with others.  Well that comment ought to get you thinking!

I take my relationships pretty seriously.  In fact, to me, they are my life's work.  Justin's health and happiness directly affects mine.  Jordy's health and happiness directly affects mine.  Same with my students, students' parents, and colleagues at work.  Which is why I both love and hate being a teacher all at the same time.
[Aside: I could've easily added "Sister" to this list.] 

I LIKE doing a good job.  I am special education teacher.  My students have disabilities ranging from autism to ADHD to emotional disturbance to specific learning disability to cerebral palsy.  Some co-exist with speech language impairments or oppositional defiant disorder and some are just what we call in the biz NCD, Non-Categorical Delay, which is a fancy way to say "We don't know!"  Almost without exception, they struggle on their tests, frustrate their classroom teachers, and can find it hard to connect with their peers.

Beyond these challenges alone, budget cuts, lack of information, introduction of new educational policy (Grrrrr Common Core), and constant changes to diagnostic procedures and special education law increases the work load to the point of overwhelming!
(Oh... and apparently regardless of your years of experience actually working with students and the fact that you went to undergrad at a major Big Ten University with an outstanding College of Education which ranks in the top 20 nationally AND have a Master's in Educational Leadership from one of the best private schools doesn't make you 'qualified' when trying to get a teaching license in a different state, but I digress).

I've always been unable to "leave work at work."  Seeing student's progress makes my day.  Working collaboratively with their teachers so they experience success makes me happy.  Getting to know their parents and their wants/needs for their kid brings me fulfillment.  Going above and beyond and doing what I think is best to develop the whole child, as a student and person, motivates me.  Which by the way, is not required by the law... there really is nothing special about special education . . . unfortunately, we're just "required" to provide SOME "educational benefit" within our limited resources, not required to offer what's "best."

  Today, I kind of felt like that guy in Office Space... you know, you work every day with no feedback, but where you feel like if you do something wrong, you have 8 different bosses telling you about it:

Of course, I DO care :)  But I like this clip because I feel like I'm doing the right thing...  hearing differently frustrates us perfectionist people!!!   So maybe, it turns out, it was more like I was this guy today:

Justin accuses me often a being a perfectionist.  When we decided it would be a good idea for me to get back into teaching in our new city, it was because we thought it would be good hours based on our family's crazy schedule and provide me time off with our kid[s] in the summer.  Honestly, making it to the daycare by 5:00 PM has been a struggle!  There is always something to do, something to plan, a meeting to go to, another meeting to prepare for!  You'd think after 6 years I'd have it all together, but learning a new school, and how much the kids change presents new challenges and new learning with each position.

AM I do the right thing?  I don't know!  [I think] I advocated for myself and one of my students today.  It was nothing if not interesting!  But it was short moment... a snippet of my day.

I also received a nice E-mail from a parent, and a student solved their first subtraction problem correctly.  It's easy to forget that the blessings usually always outnumber everything else!

And tomorrow is FRIDAY! :) :)

Never be too busy to count all your blessings.